MY FAMILIAR

 "Occasionally in life there are those moments of unutterable fulfillment which cannot be completely explained by those symbols called words. Their meanings can only be articulated by the inaudible language of the heart."

-Martin Luther King, Jr.

Roux, a large beautiful and majestic orange tabby, came into my life when he was only eight weeks old.  He was a runt and was found in the garbage dumpster two days into his life.

Browsing the animal carriers at the adoption center I came upon a two little orange kittens.  The male, the darker of the two, reached his paw out through the cage toward me.  I knew instantly he wanted to go home with me.  And so he did.

Roux as Familiar

Now nearly 15 years later, Roux and I have been through a lot together.  Cross-country moves, trying relationships, emotional and physical challenges and strengthening of my psychic healing abilities.

As mentioned in a previous blog, I underwent an eye procedure to repair a hole in my right retina and had to lay face down for seven days. Roux stayed by my side through the entire recovery period.  He got up only to eat and use the litter box but every other moment was spent either lying across my legs or next to me.

Many of you have beloved four-legged friends that do wonderful and amazing things.  Like me you revel in their unique personalities and treat them like family. Roux is very different from any cat I've ever had the privilege to coexist beside, mainly because of his uncanny ability to hold eyes with humans.

A week or so after my recovery ended I noticed that Roux's right pupil was dilated and fixed.  I immediately took him in to the vet, where he was given a battery of tests. There was no discernible reason why his pupil was dilated this way. As western medical practitioners are trained to do, they suggested a few possible reasons, including brain tumor.

But, I suspected something completely different. I believe that Roux manifested sympathetic symptoms for me, perhaps even taking on the energy in order to relieve me from the disturbance. I sense that my beloved familiar has taken on this traumatic energy in order to offer me healing.

Because I believe that Roux and I have traveled in past lives together I believe that we are very connected. This is known as a "familiar".  Roux is attuned to my powers and often travels with me in the dreamtime.  I enjoy his company, care for and protect him, love him, but NEVER own him.

Huge spirits often dwell in little bodies.  The depth of gratitude and love I hold for this 16-pound comrade is indeed unutterable. 

PERCEPTION

"There are things I can't force. I must adjust. There are times when the greatest change needed is a change of my viewpoint. " 

- Denis Diderot

Perception is but a thin veil.  When the veil is lifted or removed, things look different.

What Do You See?

When I cling to my old way of being, which is certainly loaded with fear, I tend to hold back, resist and I’m not able to see a way around a difficult situation.

But, when I release the fear – after all, what result can really be so bad? – I am able to stay less attached to the outcome and become more fearless in my actions.  Oddly – or not-so-oddly – the result often pleases me very much, and more often than not, the result is so much sweeter than I ever dreamed.

MIRACLES: The Universe’s “Vision” of My Success

 “I am realistic – I expect miracles.”    ~ Wayne W. Dyer

Sitting in the retina specialists cold exam room made my heart beat faster.  After a few moments I was diagnosed with a macular hole – a hole in the center of the retina which impaired my central vision in that eye.

Eye Of Truth

On two occassions the specialist recommended a vitrectomy, a surgical procedure where a mixture of air and gas is inserted into the space once occupied by the vitreous.  This bubble puts pressure on the edges of the macular hole, allowing it to heal.  While the bubble is doing its job, you must lie face down (I shared that in my last blog) so that the bubble stays in the right place in the eye, sometimes for as long as two to three weeks!  (This procedure is quite expensive. Because I don’t have major medical insurance, I was offered a cash discount cost of $7,500.  YIKES!)

The doctor was cold, flat and appeared mostly uninterested and really depressed me.  Each time I left him, I felt like crying. The ugly cry.

I began to do what I know how to… send healing energy to my retina.  I also “communicated” with the eye and wanted to know what message this challenge delivered.

During one intense meditation between my first and second exam, I heard from my dear spirit guide.  “You’re looking at this all wrong.  This is not an illness or a malformation; this is an upgrade.”  The next day, I experienced a spontaneous vision of sewing with a needle and thread, which caused me to do this energetic procedure for my eye.  I fully expected the hole would close.

It did not.  Defeat and disappointment caused a momentary spiritual crisis.  Am I the healer I believe myself to be?  Am I the spiritual being I believe myself to be?  I had not accomplished the task that I was so sure my guide had come to give me. 

I began to see strange light flashes out of my right eye.  I called my doctor’s office and they instructed me to come in immediately.  My regular doctor was not in that day. 

Here’s where the miracle begins…are you ready?   Wait for it…!

A tall, handsome, 30-something man greeted me with a huge smile and a warm handshake.  Not only did I instantly like him, but I already knew that I trusted him.  He gave me a thorough exam and noticed that the vitreous gel had begun to pull away from my retina, which is what caused the light flashes.

“I have an idea!” he proclaimed excitedly.  He excused himself for about 15 minutes before returning to announce that he’d just had a phone conference with my regular doctor and that he’d proposed an in-office procedure in which he would insert a gas bubble.  He was very upfront about the success rate, which was about 40-50%, somewhat lower than a hospital surgery. 

He left the room again and returned with the financial person.  “When we insert gas bubbles in the office it generally accompanies some type of laser procedure” he said.  “The charge for that is $1,200, but since we aren’t doing laser work, I figure that should drop the cost to $600.  But, then I told our finance manager that because you are a sweet woman, we should drop the cost to $200.”  I was floored!

More urge to cry - good cry.  I was overcome with joy.  That kind of cry.

My retina was already healing at the 40-hour post-procedure mark.  The second checkup (seven-day post) indicated that my retina had sealed!  WOW!  There was still an opening in the tissue surrounding the retina, but I am feeling very good that that will also be fully healed at the time of my next checkup on January 2^nd, 2013.

Did you catch the miracle?  I prayed for a miracle.  I held a strong intention that a miracle would happen.  When my retina hadn’t healed (yet) due to my energy work, I felt no miracle.  Sad.

Here’s the miracle!  Enter my new paradigm doctor.  He delivered my miracle.  I didn’t expect it to come in this form, but it did.  A man who thinks outside the box, who believes in positive thought and manifestation and who was willing to take a risk on me.  A man would make sure that I didn’t get financially gouged in the process.  He is my miracle!

By the way, during my first exam visit with my miracle doctor, my vision was rechecked.  The vision in my right eye has actually improved!  I realize now that my energy work, along with the loving energy sent to me by dear friends, had indeed begun a healing process.  Natural healing has its own rhythm and timing.

So, what message did my right eye deliver, you ask?  Well, miracles do happen and they don’t always look like we imagine or expect them.  In my humanness, I wanted so badly to heal myself.  Miss Ego was screaming in my ear, but Miss Soul’s whisper would not be denied. I am humbled.

What is so important to appreciate is that I did manifest my magnificent young doctor.  Our energies connected and we knew instantly that we wanted to work together for a common goal.  We’ve journeyed together for a way and so far it is glorious. 

We are ALL manifesters in our own right.  I have learned that I must be open to the Universe’s “vision” of my success; it may be different than my own, but it will always be more magnificent and beneficial than my wildest dreams!

MY RIGHT EYE

My Right Eye

"Toleration ... is the greatest gift of the mind; it requires the same effort of the brain that it takes to balance oneself on a bicycle."

- Helen Keller

I just spend 7 days in enduring face down recovery from an eye procedure designed to close a macular hole (hole in right retina).  A gas bubble is inserted into the eye using what looked like a verrrrry long needle.  Well, five long needles, to be exact.

The gas bubble must rest on top of the retina in order to place proper pressure on the hole, with the intention to close it.

EYE: Window to the Soul

I was allowed to be in an upright position for five to ten minutes per hour.  Not easy but I tolerated the inconvenience.  Last exam indicated the retina has sealed with a little more healing necessary.  I am so very grateful.

My vessel is my craft.  I use my body to hold a very high vibration when I do healing work for others.  My vessel expands and contracts like a blacktop road on smolderingly hot and blistery cold days.  I am convicted to my craft.   

I practice toleration.

Toleration was made easier due to so many prayers and healing light sent my way.  Thanks to you, my dear friends, for holding me up when I was down.  

I love you.